A cloud over my head it has put. No, it's been here since January. Q1 2012 feels cloudy, shrouded of light and direction. My personality could very well be slippers being so flip-flop.
Structure, eloquence, clarity.
These days have been missing all 3 of them.
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What did I take back from 2010? The fact that it was the year I rebelled, broke free of a shell I kept myself in, making 2011 amazing.
What shell can I break this year? Oh, the journey of self enlightenment.
//
I'm so sick, I need a break. It has been going on non-stop since pre-PMR. These 2 weeks to recuperate, heal and mend battle scars. Then, it happens again. The mindless de-connection from face time value with lifemates, scattered efforts drowned by the loud bangings of bureaucracy.. what is left?
An unfit physical body, tainted by the spite and aftermaths of social pressure, marred with the dents of expectations. But with this lies a chance of recovery, for a better future, for a brighter opportunity.
//
What drives me now?
The ability to win an argument? For what temporary pleasure it brings along with the masks that enshrines speakers of the house.
Is it creating a magnificent page for a magazine, that people flip, under appreciates and finally fades away?
Maybe a family, strong and firm.. but for how long until I go back to the weekly turgid struts?
The pursuit of knowledge, far and wide with no limits? I don't even want to imagine.
Gee, the ever changing needs of man. Unstable, nomad.
I'm seeking for now. My backyard, town center, across the ocean, east or west.. I hunger for adventures beyond the sea. But who am I to determine where I go?
//
I'm trying my best to cope. I failed my resolution this year of putting friends as priority #1. For a whole 4 day stretch I failed, blinded by business and things that didn't really count in the end.
Maybe I'm just over thinking, emo-ing this out while I should be sleeping. Yeap, just maybe.
