No?

It couldn't have been any clearer. The click sound in my head was loud - it was then that the scale started to shift balance towards the opposite end. Again.

I'm so fed up! I'm fed up how for the past 2 years, my social life has been segregated to sections. One end would be friends, and the other end could be summed up to CF. It's as if I planned to choose one for a whole 3 months and shift to the other side for the next.

Today, that will change. How?

As the scale tips too far to one side, I regain mentality of the opposite (yes yes kill me now phantom-readers of this blog. no seriously). Even on the 14th of January, I walked into an area of 1Utama I would have never gone to. As I opened the door to a room with a thick, musty atmosphere of cigarette smoke, I knew it wasn't my comfort zone.

Probably, it was little things like this that induced the "click" in my head. Maybe it's natural instinct that shouts "JASON, stop whatever you're getting yourself into and get back on the boat!". It makes sense for my brain to tell me that. But every time the distance I travel out of my comfortable boat gets further.

Then again, the opposite end of the scale is an extreme of its own. Although I have probably been there only once, the manifestation of revo was way too extreme. Way too fast, too vigorous. Who went out for an extended period of time doing something I couldn't really comprehend but did it anyway cause I was told it was in the name of Jesus? Me - and looking back, I have damaged lines that probably cannot be repaired. The craziness took over and I donned the label - 'Christ-cookie-giver'.

But that is an old story. The story now is - damn't, I need to find balance.

I need to struggle against going to extremes. So Jason,

stop going out just for the sake of going out. There's nothing wrong staying at home.

Take calculative decisions before approaching someone. Be a sincere friend first, not an evangelistic nut.

Learn to share conversations in the middle of the canteen walkway. Cause sticking to one side all the time is bad.

Don't drop your post in CF. (because I'm in the mentality to say this right now)

Learn about your friends more. Build stronger connections pls.

And the key to balance on both sides? I need to learn how to say no properly.