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Ambivalent - exactly how my mind is working right now. It's probably making every thought I have exaggerated though due to all the dramatic novels I've been reading.
This week preceded events that will be factors in my life for the next two years.
It's scary to comprehend that the stuff happening around me right now, especially right now will be tangible in the near future. Okay so let me just break what I want to say here, contradicting my 2011 wrap up post down there.
I totally just made my secondary school life a hundred times more stressful, accepting what I decided to drop last year. Plus, did I not only agree to take in the insane amount of pressure I initially had, I literally requested for more stress for the year 2013. But, what was the logic? Was it REALLY cause I wanted a nicely planted "EIC" on my resume?
And here comes the first dilemma of balance. Maybe, a subconscious thought is that I just can't let go of Nostalgia. Maybe, I can't handle the fact of not being part of something that managed to get me in so much trouble with the school, but at the same time I get my share of pull stringing in the office (oh gosh that's a bad reason). Would it be so terrible to give in to an aching feeling? However at the same time, I need consistency. I suck horribly at finishing a job.
So what does it come down to? It comes down to reaccepting the fact that I'm going to sit in a room interviewing people that want to get on this awesome journey. Maybe this whole write up was just to get you (whoever is reading this. yeay sluggish vain blogpost) to consider joining it (not really). But okay, promise to self #1 this year, I need to find a freaking successor. Time to pedo a bit *grins*
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And, I'm scared. Shaken - by 4 Balau. Other than the fact that the class is a complete bore other than us back row people, the fear is not the fact that my class might suck. It's the horrible thought that because I'm the most isolated alongside my tendencies of becoming too occupied to even care about friends that I completely forget about them.
No, I cannot do that. I must put close amity as priority #1. As to avoid making this post overdramatic (or more than it already is), I shall end here by saying I'VE COMPLETED 6 NOVELS SINCE I CAME BACK *achievement*
I shall go back to Victor screaming in my ear on a Skype call.
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