When shit hits the ceiling.

I never got that saying. Although Urban Dictionary would like to say it's shit hitting the fan, it still doesn't make sense. 

SIGH SIGH SIGH.

Ok rant rant rant rant.

Shit is really hitting the ceiling now. Underperforming everywhere. HOW. 

So much expectations. FAILURE IS VERY MUCH EMINENT. 

If not for failure, then EXTREME EMOTIONAL UNREST. 

I can't believe I picked the wrong motion for cq teo quarters. 

I can't believe I fucked up my BM lisan. 

I can't believe I'm further behind on my homework than I was in Form 4. 

I can't believe how apathetic I am about this stupid US summit that was chucked to my shoulders. 

I can't believe although we're training our standard still sucks shit compared to schools that have been doing less.

I can't believe I'm so lazy to go look for sponsors for ASDC although it might be the biggest thing.

I can't believe I haven't been exercising and I'm such a fat fuck now. 

I can't believe the Wira team gg-ed cause of me again. 

I can't believe how all this anger is rebuilding inside of me.

I can't believe I'm not in Five Stones already.

I can't believe I'm changing pathways cause the world dictates that I fucking do!!!

I can't believe I have no time to spend with friends AGHHH and watch a movie and just chill.

I can't believe how every guy is somehow just a devout Christian. 

I can't believe life feels so different.

And all these, I put in on myself. It's all my doing. Because I believe, it's a self fulfilling prophecy. 

No one else to blame.

It's hard to see the light when there's so much darkness. Sure, I might be doing amazing things, like successfully organising interclass and wira.. or doing ok for exams.. but those are like standards. Not achievements. I need to start hitting the high notes. Not just maintaining. 

Fuckkkkkkk this is hard. 

NO ONE'S THERE FOR EVERYTHING. Why not. why notttt ughhh fate you're such a bitch.

Just someone. SOMEONE. Is that so hard god.